Thursday, March 20, 2014

Tattooed Religion

Ok so it is apparent from my outward appearance that I am tattooed.  I am also Mormon.  Not like the "tattooed Mormon" though nothing wrong with her, I'm just not that girl.  I do not attend regular meetings, hold a church calling, I have not been married in the temple and I do not regularly read the book of Mormon. 

Does this mean I am no longer a Mormon?  No, I do not believe so, and this is not the reason I am posting this.  I am not here to question weather I am a certain religion or not but I am here to talk about my experience being a "raised in the LDS church, but oh my gosh she is covered in tattoos!  what happened to her, Mormon". 

First off yes I was raised Mormon.  We went to church every Sunday, had family scripture study every morning, said family prayers together, and over all lead a very "Mormon" life.  My parents were great examples to me and are still to this day, people I hope to be like when I grow up. 

I got my first tattoo the summer after I turned 18.  I hid it for a very long while because I knew how my parents felt about them.  I have always had such a great relationship with my parents, especially my mother, and I didn't want that to change.  I'm not sure when they found out I must have blocked it from my mind but there is one tattoo I do remember showing my mother.  It was the first tattoo I had gotten on my lower arm.  This was after I was married and I believe even had my first child.  I came to my parents house to see a cousin and aunt that was visiting and reviled the new artwork.  Immediately my mother walked into her bedroom closed the door and stayed for some time.  Not wanting to face her, and the disappointment she carried, I stayed away.  I wanted so badly for her to accept me, all of me, but I also understood why this was a very hard thing of me to ask.  Weeks went by and I'm sure more tattoos came and little by little the shock was less and less.

She recently told me of a time when it all took a turn for her.   I had come to church to pick up my son she had been watching.  I was not dressed for the occasion and so my tattoos were showing and right away my mother thought "I have to get her out of here!"  She rushed me out the door and into the parking lot and I was on my way with my child non the wiser.  Here is the part where I believe it all changed for her.  Now mind you my mother has never treated me with disgust or ill will.  She has always masked her embarrassment for me quite well.  She had a thought  "she's my daughter too, and I would never treat her like that.  I gave her to you because I knew you would always love her."  I think after that she decided no matter my choices she was going to love me because nothing was worth loosing me.

And that my friends is what I am writing about.   I'm writing about the GOOD people in the Mormon church that don't judge me, or treat me different because I am a tattooed mother sitting in church.  They love and support me that one Sunday a month, or year I attend, because they know I mean well.  And those people go beyond my mother.  And they are in tune with the spirit enough to know that even though I do not regularly attend church meetings or volunteer to hold callings that I am trying.

 I had a friend ask me once

"so you go to relief society?"
"and they are nice to you?"
"haha, yes."

He was surprised, which I think is kind of sad, but even if there had been anyone who wasn't exactly a "saint" towards me I wouldn't let it keep me from going back because I can't let someone else decide what my life can be after all of this earth stuff is done.  I will tell you I have been treated like crap by other religions way more than my own...maybe they are still trying to save me...haha. 

All I am saying is this.

I am so grateful I got the parents I did.  They accept me and my family as we are and just keep praying for us, which we need anyways so I will take it.  I love my parents and the example they set for me.  There are really great people in all religions, and also some pretty crappy ones but don't let the bad ones make you hate a whole religion.  Look past the people and find a message that speaks to you, and your heart.  Make it work for you and do what you can to be a better person.  And also don't judge those around you because they picked a religion you disagree with, just do you.  

If getting tattooed is the worst thing I could do in my life I think I'm doing pretty good if I do say so myself. 

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Small Victories

Wow I must say two blog post in two days is a new record for me! 

Yesterday was a good day for me.  There were many small victories that out weighed the little defeats so that's a good day right?

It started out by actually getting the kids to school on time!  Yay!  Maybe my son's hair wasn't combed but hey he got there, and not only on time early.  Today maybe he was late and forgot his backpack which I had to turn around and go home to get but, we won't talk about that.  We will talk about the fact that I kept my cool and didn't get upset about something that was done.  I just dropped him off and immediately went back to retrieve the back pack.  We also won't talk about the fact that the Ipod somehow got remembered of course.  

Another victory!  Half of the cloths that were washed Friday, and folded Monday got put away yesterday!  That's under a week between wash and put away!  That's a victory for me!  There are still half to be put away, but they are mostly my cloths, and I will wear them eventually so I am merely just making them quicker to get at. 

Victory, homework got done before 7pm!  This sometimes gets left until morning when its already hectic so I really try hard to get this accomplished before bed and last night we won!  And without complaining!  I think my daughter is actually starting to hate homework less which is great because she is only just beginning and I can't take 12 yrs of fighting homework I just can't.

This paragraph with be comprised with non-victories so the text will be downsized to further emphasize the victories.  No piano happened can I tell you how exhausting piano is for me!  My kids love it which helps but the method we are using really relies on the mother teaching the child by copying and memorizing songs.  So I have to learn and reteach songs to 2 children.  Lets just say I've heard twinkle twinkle enough to last a lifetime.  But it's not all bad just hard to do everyday.  Second loss actually happened today my daughter went to school without looking like she just walked out of a GAP add.  But I did manage to brush her hair which could be considered a victory so they cancel each other out.  Also lunch for her consisted of dry mini wheat cereal, crackers, and a danimal yogurt, also another fail.  There were others like I didn't vacuum, or deep clean bathrooms, blah blah blah... you get the point.  No need to rub it in any further.    

I don't go through my days thinking exactly what I have failed at or not.  But I do have to remind myself of what I have actually accomplished in a day or else when I look at my disheveled house I may cry.  This morning my daughter asked me if I was going to yell today, like I'm some kind of pre-mediated yeller.  Apparently she thinks I think about it way before hand which you all know is never the case for us mothers, exactly the opposite.  I think or pray to have the strength of patience.  Which yesterday worked out.  Although I forgot appointments, had to run the garbage out to the road like a mad woman and didn't make a Martha Stewart dinner, (thank you papa Kelsey's for helping me out on that one) I also didn't stress out about it and make myself crazy.  I just made it through. 

And sometimes that's all we can do.  Relish in the small victories they will be your sanctuary.     

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

My very long hiatus...

Well I have decided to give this blog thing another try.  I have lots of ramblings that go through my head and why not write them all down for your enjoyment, or distaste whichever strikes your fancy. 
Little recap on this thing we call life.  I am a mother to two beautiful children who push my buttons daily, but also bring me the greatest joy.  We also have a little rat dog we like to call coco, or a slur of other can not be typed "mommy words".  I am also a wife to one of the best men put on this earth.  Seriously ask around you won't be lied to. 

Lets bring everyone up to speed on what we all look like now

First off the children.  They take up about 75-80% of my day...100% if you count the occasional cleaning up after them I do.  And no, I wouldn't change it for the world. 

When we first had our son I literally was so happy, I would just look at my baby and think about how awesome it was and why had no one really described it the way I was feeling?  Even if they had they wouldn't have come close to encompassing all the wonderfulness (is that a word?) that comes along with being a mom.  They also would have never captured how hard it is either.  Every day I wake up and try, and ALMOST every day I lay down and think about some part of my day where I have failed.  But there are those really, really good days that keep you going.  Or those blog posts where some other mother just gets it and really puts it out there and you sympathize with her and think maybe I'm not the only one.  Maybe I'm not the only one who looses it during piano lessons, or when we are working on math, or for the 1,000 time while telling your 5 year old what sound the letter D makes.  Maybe I'm also not the only one apologizing again for raising my voice when yet again we are late for school drop off.  And I'm being nice when I say "raising my voice" its a little louder than "raising"  it's awaking the dead.  Many times when talking to other moms I try to work out what adults are suppose to act like with their children, but that all goes out the window when my 5 yr old (who is exactly like me) just won't give up.  Eventually, and sometimes she does win, but the small stubborn 5 yr old inside me puts up one heck of a fight!  But I'm working on acting like an adult and just figuring a way to still "win" but not break that spirit of my 5 yr old but come on it's HARD!  I want my kids to grow up confidant, and independent, but also considerate and kind.  I'm not sure I'm the best example but dang it I'm trying!  My daughter hasn't asked me for a while if I would start a yelling jar so I suppose I'm getting somewhere. (and I hate to admit that jar would be for me.)
Contrary to what this picture suggest BOTH of my children are happy, I think

I also don't want all of you thinking our home is a constant battle ground.  Between the moments of temporary control loss there are shinning moments of love and kindness and consideration (on my part too!)  Constantly my kids show me what it is to love unconditionally and also what it is like to be silly.  They make it ok to dance crazy, or sing loud, or just do things for no reason.  As brother and sister my kids get along better than I ever imagined they would.  They are each others best friend no matter if its legos, and hot wheels, or barbies and babies they do it together.  I hear of a lot of other parents who have kids that constantly fight and bicker and it makes me grateful for the wonderful relationship my kids share and I hope it continues. 

Ok second the husband.  This guy is seriously my best friend.  Yes we fight sometimes maybe not like normal people but how we do it works for us.  10 years in marriage and it seems like we are working out all the small kinks and finally just settling into life.

Third the dog, she is a dog who occasionally has accidents in the house, chews up small toys or runs as fast as she can when I try to catch her but, she is a really good, sweet, charming little thing and we love her. 
I do have to say, and I think of this often, the point we are at in our lives is pretty good right now.  The kids are pretty independent, they are reaching an age where they want to do activities we as adults can really enjoy with them and they are past the cry for no reason stage (fingers crossed).  I'm not saying we don't have the occasional melt down but at least now we can somewhat reason/bribe our way out of it.